We Are Finished With Cain. Thank God

Posted on November 9, 2011 by


by Alexander P. Brown

Whether or not Herman Cain sexually assaulted women under his authority will most likely never be answered in any way that can be factually arranged as definitive, but it is for certain that these entanglements have all but ensured the demise of his high standing in the polls for the 2012 GOP presidential nominee which is quite unfortunate because Cain in all his bluster and pageantry was immensely entertaining as he evoked America’s current love for all things nostalgic by portraying the 1980’s-style charismatic evil businessman who leads/robs the country during its dystopian future.

One only needs point to his famous “9-9-9” tax reform plan, juxtaposed with his personal appeal presence to tell you all you need to know about how he intends to run the nation. While keeping us all entertained by his seeming affability and willingness to make a fool of himself, he’ll probably devise a way to further repressively tax the poorest Americans for being poor. It is their own fault, as he once commented. He’s probably right now devising a national plan to supplement police departments with military drones for low-income/high-crime areas, Detroit in particular.

And of course, you have to point to the absolute ridiculousness of the now-infamous “Smoking Ad.” The political commercial, coming out of nowhere for one, just screams that Cain is the type of leader America deserves while it’s broke, fat, and nearing the point where criminal executions will be televised just to make the populace feel better about something, anything. It is unfortunate that his true self made an appearance at the end of the ad, letting America know that he really only has his own basic wants in mind and that the rest of us are poor fools for not being as criminally smart as he is.

People may criticise Cain’s overwhelming ignorance in the face of all things international (his mangling of English while doing so did not help); I see a man who is waiting for experts to tell him which countries are ripe for a military and corporate raiding of all their natural resources. He’s identified China as our main antagonist, not for any real military reason (that makes sense to humans), but probably because China’s business leaders are profiting off governmental exploitation of Southeast Asia and Africa while America can’t even get first dibs on Afghanistan’s mineral deposits or Iraq’s oil industry. On the bright side we can all look forward to a formal integration of women into combat troops when they prove uncommonly effective at beating down Chinese genetically-modified stormtroopers in the rural areas of Uganda.

Many of my fellow liberal bloggers would like to think that Mr. Cain was merely running for president to boost his name recognition and thereby glean an insane amount of compensation for essentially just being himself rather than any actual desire to act as Head of State. But why would those two actions be mutually exclusive? The past three presidents (including Mr. Obama) have all had their memoirs become instant best sellers and see their personal fortunes rise accordingly. Cain sees through the idea that the office of president is an end-all position and rightfully believes he can transform this country and probably transform his bank accounts along with it.

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