On Education

Posted on September 14, 2011 by


by Alexander P. Brown

Okay, we can all agree that education in this country is sorely lacking. It may not be India lacking, but it’s pretty low for a first world country who allocates in educational funding for each mini-human the price of a used Honda Civic until they hit eighteen. It’s why films such as The Lottery and Waiting For Superman are so tragic (and not just because the titles mislead anyone looking to watch a comic-book movie or rags-to-riches comedy) because they show just how much chance is involved when it comes to making sure our kids get the education they need to grow into semi-healthy, unwillingly productive, kind-of-happy middle management in the companies nominally run by the people who bought their way into private school.

It’s why reform is so desperately needed; lady luck shouldn’t be the arbiter of who is and isn’t overqualified to be branch manager of a Kennesaw, GA, Wells Fargo; all our kids should be mostly overqualified. I agree with something the current president might’ve said in some speech I was halfway listening to one day–that parents need to play a bigger role in education. Hence why our kids who don’t get into schools with super-amazing teachers obviously need better parents. New parents. Parents who have the time and resources to take care of them. Parents who are fantastically wealthy.

Think about how amazing our educational system would be if we took the children who had no aptitude and were not in supportive school environments and then put them in luxurious home environments. In less than a generation we’d have a legion of men and women who were either ready to take over the executive positions in government and industry or a bunch of entitled brats who would front the money to fund their own reality TV show. This is win-win for the economy, more on-screen DUI’s or more wild financial speculation; somebody is getting rich between those two (probably the people who were rich to begin with, but hey, since the spate of child relocation, that’s like an extra two million people a year!)

Now detractors will say that this is wealth redistribution, forcing rich people to care for poor. To wit, we are already forcing tax payers to pay for things like WIC, reduced or free meals at schools, CHIP, in-state tuition, and any and all public health and safety regulations. This just lets the productive class of America have more of a say where their money goes and better yet, since most of them don’t trust the public/charter school system anyway, it’ll create a huge privatization market for the American education system, politically everybody gets their happy ending.

We can trust the wealthy not to use this new influx of mini-humans they govern to create rampant speculation on their worth as students, set a grand majority of them in below value schools with cookie-cutter teachers and place bets on how many will end up working the day shift at Target while trying to get their music career off the ground. It’s better than having them back with those biological parents of theirs who believed that a life of hard work and blue collar determination will yield a fair share of life’s richness. That’s just taking advantage of kids’ naïveté and we need to do better by our children.

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